I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
