i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
there is glitter all over my balls
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
