Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
