im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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