I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
