my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You took a bar mat shot.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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