did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
