Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think your dad took our porno
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
