My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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