Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
