Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
