Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
