is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
