any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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