They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
