Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just forgot I was standing up.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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