if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
