rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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