It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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