Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
