remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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