Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
