oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
false alarm. still invincible.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
