i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
