The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
