Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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