I wanna bring you to show and tell
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
God, I missed his penis.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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