he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
