She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
