i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
