Porn is love you can see.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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