whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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