you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
