i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
