call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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