i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
