He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
