Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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