new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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