When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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