I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
foreskin is a definite game changer
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
