My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
