If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
