All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
