If i come over, it means nothing
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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