I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i now understand why vodka
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
