just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
