I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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