2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
