I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
